Supermarket Fun (?)
by TheDancer'sYellowRaincoat
Summary: Deidara is a man on a mission In a beautifully carpeted supermarket of Dublin. Itachi is there to help him get what he wants. Gaara and Neji are no help whatsoever; what could you expect from thieves who steal for sexy reasons...? A little story Pinecone Pasta wrote for me (with a minimal amount of input from myself). Not inappropriate, just... very strange.


**Something incredibly beautiful that an amazingly majestic friend of mine (pinecone pasta) wrote for me. **

**She made a template and then got me to send to her various adjectives (which I now know are ****_describing _****words), objects, and other things. **

**It didn't turn out as ****_sexy _****as it could have, thanks to my very ****_unsexy _****choice of vocab, but it is incredibly hilarious. **

**But it has become my most favourite tale of all time, due to the complete randomness and utter abandonment of anything remotely logical and it has to be shared. **

**I have made all the words I sent to her bold, so's you peeps can better understand my unfortunate choice of words... **

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**Supermarket Fun (?)**

Deidara was **scurrying** along the aisles of the **Dublin Supermarket**, a **lusty** expression on his face. He reached out and took a few **shavers** from the shelves with his **soft** hands, and looked around the surprisingly **mushy** aisle he was in. He was **hungry** and frankly he just wanted **sex**, and the fact that Gaara and Neji were **stealing stuff (sexually)** in the next aisle was a little off putting and just making it worse. The blonde artist checked his list of homo, and noticed he still had two **cheeses** to get from the aisle. The only problem was, both were on the top shelf, which he could not reach, no matter how hard he tried, on his tiptoes, jumping, **hobbling**, he just couldn't reach the cheese. Sighing **frightenedly**, Deidara was almost tempted to call out to the couple next… but… oh GAWD…  
Gaara… Gaara was using his sand **haphazardly** **over** Neji in a really **elegant** way. I mean, Deidara was a HUGE perv, but _that_, in a supermarket? Really? They should have at least glared everyone to death first.  
"Oh, **fishcake**, you're so **itchy**." Gaara **hissed**, **panicking** on Neji's** elbow**. Deidara grimaced in **eager**-ness, and tried not to vom right there. Ew.  
So, giving up on the idea of asking the two **lackies** to help him, the short artist went back to helplessly waving his arm in the direction of the cheese, as if his fingers might grow to grab it.  
**Chuckling darkly**, Deidara was just about to give up, when suddenly a **finger** slid around his **nose** and lifted him just that little bit higher, until he could grab the cheese.  
Deidara had never felt such victory in his entire **curvy** life, than when his fingers closed around the cheese. He let out a **hot** cry of success, and then a yelp when the person holding him suddenly dropped him to the floor. Deidara looked up slowly, through his **vague** hair, to see **bacon.**  
"Hello, Deidara." Itachi **gazed** down at the littler member of Akatsuki, and held out a** thigh** to help him up. Deidara thought Itachi looked hella **hairy**(omfg), with his** shoe** all **soggy** and stuff. And those muscles, to think they'd just helped him get his cheese. M_hmmm_. Deidara **obnoxiously** took the **thigh** with his mouthed-hand, letting it **dribble** on to the Uchiha. Itachi seemed **confused**. "I tend to forget you have that** saucy** mouth on your hand."  
"You like it, huh, **steamy** **abnormally huge child**, yeah?" If Gaara and Neji could get it on, why couldn't he, with this **wobbly** Ninja? Scratching his **eyelid**, Deidara stared up at the somewhat confused Uchiha.  
"I suppose it is quite **crunchy**." The Uchiha allowed, his expression never changing from neutral. Disappointed at the lack of reaction, Deidara dropped all his carefully gathered items and grabbed Itachi on his **empty** tongue. Deidara watched Itachi's face carefully, a **spiny** grin spread over his lips. However, Itachi's **ugly** facial expression remained the same, but he suddenly shoved Deidara down onto the **plush carpet** of the supermarket, and straddled his **shoulder** **blade**, right in the middle of the aisle.  
"Oh, yeah…" Deidara let out a **burp** from his **slimy** lips and took Itachi's **chest** in his hands. Looking up into the Uchiha's pale **freezing** face, Deidara suddenly stopped his **throwing**, and suddenly felt a little concerned, but hella turned on. "Uh, you okay, yeah?"  
"You can be sure that I am, **shiny** artist. However, when I am done with you, you will not be." And Itachi dragged Deidara away into a **rickety** sexcapade.

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**I cannot stop laughing, like actually I might just die here. **


End file.
